This article is part of my ongoing experiment in having machines rewrite articles I’ve written. In this case, I am publishing this article the same day I wrote something I wrote and also published today. Read Every Westerosi Wedding, Ranked by Dothraki Standards, a more accurate article I’m proud of.

Weddings in Westeros are a grand affair, with lavish ceremonies, feasts, and celebrations that can last for days. From the Red Wedding to the Purple Wedding, each nuptial ceremony has left its mark on the realm. However, if you want to see how Westerosi weddings fare by Dothraki standards, we've got you covered. In this article, we'll rank every Westerosi wedding from worst to best, according to the Dothraki's unique and savage criteria.

What are Dothraki standards for a good wedding?

Before we dive into the ranking, let's first understand what a good wedding is according to Dothraki standards. For the Dothraki, weddings are an essential part of their culture, and it is customary to celebrate them with blood and fire. The Dothraki see weddings as an opportunity to demonstrate their power, strength, and wealth. To have a good wedding, the Dothraki must have a lot of meat, strong drink, and beautiful women. They also value a display of military prowess, with demonstrations of horse riding and archery, and ritualized combat.

Ranking of Westerosi Weddings by Dothraki Standards

Now that we know what makes a good wedding according to Dothraki standards let's rank every Westerosi wedding, from worst to best.

The Red Wedding

The infamous Red Wedding comes in last in our ranking, for obvious reasons. The Dothraki may enjoy a good slaughter, but they frown upon the killing of guests, especially when it involves a pregnant woman being stabbed in the stomach. The Red Wedding is a perfect example of how not to host a wedding, according to Dothraki standards.

The Purple Wedding

The Purple Wedding may have been a respite from the bloody affair of the Red Wedding, but it still leaves much to be desired according to Dothraki standards. While the Dothraki appreciate a good poisoning, they prefer a more direct approach to killing. Moreover, the lack of revelry and festivities at the Purple Wedding is a significant drawback.

King Joffrey's Wedding

King Joffrey's wedding may have been a grand affair, with elaborate feasts, gifts, and entertainment. But it falls short according to Dothraki standards. The Dothraki place a high value on the display of martial strength, which was absent at this wedding. Moreover, the wedding had a distinct lack of fire, which is an essential element for any Dothraki celebration.

Sansa Stark and Tyrion Lannister's Wedding

The wedding between Sansa Stark and Tyrion Lannister may have been an unlikely alliance, but it was also a wedding that lacked the essential elements according to Dothraki standards. The wedding lacked a display of martial prowess, and while it had an abundance of meat and wine, it had a distinct lack of fire.

Margaery Tyrell and Tommen Baratheon's Wedding

Margaery Tyrell and Tommen Baratheon's wedding had all the hallmarks of a good Westerosi wedding. There was a feast, entertainment, and lavish gifts. But according to Dothraki standards, it was lacking in the elements that make for a great wedding. The Dothraki place a high value on strength and martial prowess, which was lacking in this wedding. Furthermore, there was no ritual combat, archery, or horse riding - essential elements of any good Dothraki celebration.

Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr's Wedding

Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr's wedding was a beautiful affair, with a romantic backdrop of falling snow. However, according to Dothraki standards, it lacked the essential elements of a good wedding. The Dothraki value a display of strength, which was absent from this wedding. Moreover, there was a distinct lack of fire, which is an essential element of any Dothraki celebration.

Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo's Wedding

Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo's wedding was a beautiful affair, with an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire. However, the wedding lacked the elements of ritual combat, archery, and horse riding, which the Dothraki value. While the wedding was still a good one by Dothraki standards, it falls short of the best weddings.

Ramsay Bolton and Sansa Stark's Wedding

Ramsay Bolton and Sansa Stark's wedding was a gruesome affair, with a display of military strength and martial prowess that the Dothraki value. However, the wedding lacked the essential element of fire, which is a crucial part of any Dothraki celebration.

Joffrey Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell's Wedding

Joffrey Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell's wedding was a grand affair, with an abundance of meat, strong drink, and entertainment. The wedding also had a display of martial strength, which is essential to the Dothraki. However, the wedding lacked the essential element of fire, which the Dothraki hold dear.

Sansa Stark and Ramsay Bolton's Wedding

Sansa Stark and Ramsay Bolton's wedding was a gruesome affair, with a display of military strength and martial prowess that the Dothraki value. The wedding also had an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire, which are essential to any Dothraki celebration.

Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow's Wedding

Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow's wedding was a beautiful affair, with an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire. The wedding also had a display of martial strength and martial prowess, which the Dothraki value. However, the wedding lacked the element of ritual combat, archery, and horse riding, which the Dothraki hold dear.

Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark's Wedding

Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark's wedding was a beautiful affair, with an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire. The wedding also had a display of martial strength and martial prowess, which the Dothraki value. However, the wedding lacked the element of ritual combat, archery, and horse riding, which the Dothraki hold dear.

Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr's Second Wedding

Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr's second wedding was a beautiful affair, with an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire. The wedding also had a display of martial strength and martial prowess, which the Dothraki value. The wedding had everything that the Dothraki hold dear, except for ritual combat.

Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo's Wedding (Reimagined)

In a reimagined version of Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo's wedding, the couple incorporates the elements that the Dothraki hold dear. The wedding has an abundance of meat, strong drink, and fire. It also has ritual combat, archery, and horse riding. The wedding is a display of strength, power, and wealth - everything that the Dothraki value in a good wedding.

Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey's Wedding

Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey's wedding takes the top spot on our list of Westerosi weddings by Dothraki standards. The wedding has everything that the Dothraki value - an abundance of meat, strong drink, fire, and a display of martial strength and prowess. The wedding also has ritual combat, archery, and horse riding, which the Dothraki hold dear. It is a celebration of power, strength, and wealth, which is everything that a good Dothraki wedding should be.

Conclusion

While Westerosi weddings may not meet Dothraki standards, they are still a grand affair. From the Red Wedding to Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey's wedding, each wedding has left its mark on the realm. However, if you want to have a truly epic wedding, you may want to take a page from the Dothraki playbook and incorporate elements like ritual combat, archery, and horse riding.

FAQs

Do the Dothraki really value blood and fire in their weddings?

Yes, the Dothraki consider blood and fire as essential elements of a good wedding. They see weddings as an opportunity to demonstrate their power, strength, and wealth.

What are the essential elements of a good Dothraki wedding?

A good Dothraki wedding should have an abundance of meat, strong drink, fire, and a display of martial strength and prowess. It should also have ritual combat, archery, and horse riding.

Which Westerosi wedding ranks the highest by Dothraki standards?

Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey's wedding ranks the highest on our list of Westerosi weddings by Dothraki standards.

Why does the Red Wedding rank last by Dothraki standards?

The Dothraki frown upon the killing of guests, especially when it involves a pregnant woman being stabbed in the stomach.

Are Westerosi weddings really that grand?

Yes, Westerosi weddings are a grand affair, with lavish ceremonies, feasts, and celebrations that can last for days.